Renewal

Meeting new friends

Making friends has never been a problem for me. My kids could attest, I'll walk in a room with no one I know and I'll come out with friends in tow, lol. I like to talk, I like listening to other people, I like sharing myself and getting to know others. I don't understand how someone can be fine sitting in a corner observing others. I like to be a part of things, mingle, and be productive I guess. 

Lately, I've met some new friends. We shared stories and life lessons. And wow, those lessons are hard to swallow and learn but needs to be taught nonetheless. Anyway, this one lady friend went through what I am dealing with, yes - a cheating husband. The premise is the same - they fell in love, something unexpected but divinely guided, we are busy with raising our kids our husbands feel they need more of our time, they felt they needed something more in life aside from being with family. Both husbands don't understand why we can't all be friends still, why can't we just move along and let them be with their new loves but we continue the premise of a happy family. WTF. If there's an on/off switch somewhere, kindly point me to it. I can't seem to turn off this stupid love I still feel for my cheating asshole husband who is even now, living with his mistress not caring how my kids and I are doing. Of course, in his mind, I will take care of them and he has nothing to worry about. Never mind that the kids need a father, again asshole. And the mistress? Whoever lies with a married man, knowing he is married with kids, is a whore in my book. Love does not make a sin right, noting justifies it. Its wrong and will always be wrong. Hurting people is not a good excuse for love. Sorry, I seem to have gone on a rant again. Back to my friend, its refreshing to see how well she does now. I can still tell the pain she is carrying and living with. Betrayal does not get washed easily, its pungent smell seems to linger. Time was her help, she said, and her kids. Seeing her, I know, I will be fine as well. We women are stronger than we ever imagined. So as she said to me, this too shall pass. Together we will support each other and she's helping drive away the demons that threatens after the breakup. Like her, I turned all my focus and efforts to my kids. As I said in previous post, I hope for time to heal my broken heart.

Lately, I've been going dancing with other friends. Meet new ones in a bar, share a drink or two and dance the night away. I don't even remember the last time I was out with friends. My life had been tied to my husband and my kids as it should be. I was hoping and waiting for a time when my husband and I can enjoy "dating" again. That time is now, with his retirement and the kids no longer attached to me literally. But instead, my husband is "dating" someone else. If I was asked a yr ago if I ever thought my life will be this now, I would have said hell no. I never thought my husband would cheat, he was always morally correct in what he does. His integrity is something I used to admire, he was the most loyal person I know, now he is just a shell of a man I used to know. He became what he used to detest on his cousins, colleagues and other men. I guess I am better off without him, my mind knows it but my stupid heart won't listen. Time, I hope time will heal.