Happy day

Today began as any other day. The little ones and I woke up early,which is annoying to do on a weekend, but we did anyway. Watched a few hours of cartoon before we decided to feed our rumbling stomachs, lol. Breakfast was served easy enough and I took some time out to watch my shows. Well nothing really on so I watched sex and the city. I miss those 4 girls, especially Samantha with her rough exterior and not so soft inside. It's the episode where she found out she had cancer and it still gets me. Before my mind ventures to my ex again, I decided to be productive and clean the floor. I did that and went to Lowes, because I thought its a good day to plant more flowers outside and fix my pots of roses. They're beautiful, btw, all flowering and have this sweet rose smell. I have 3 big pots of them, I'll try to post pix next time. So off to lowes I go and came home with loads of perennials. Sweet! The next 3 hours was spent planting, replanting, adding soil, cleaning, and getting dirty. I like the feel of soil on my hands, crazy I know, but it makes me feel one with Mother Earth, wow that's deep :-). All 4 of my kids were outside, helping or doing what kids do best, play, lol. The got the older kids paint the garage door so I'm happy.

Tonight I'm off to a dance club with my friends, yay! Have to wait til it gets darker though, just kinda of weird to go to a club when the sun is still out. Problem with summer days, sigh. No worries, it will get dark eventually and people will come out and play. Hey!

Forgiveness

My ex accuses me of not knowing the true meaning of forgiveness. My thought is, I forgive you the way I can  not how he wants it. If he thinks I should fully embrace his relationship with his mistress then he'll be waiting for something that will never come. I dont think I can ever let his mistress step inside my home nor be in the same breathing space as me and my kids. I never pretended to be a saint, but I accept that he will always be around because we do have kids together. That does not extend to his mistress even when he becomes his wife eventually. And my kids had expressed that they don't want to be around her either. He made his choice, we never had a chance to. The mere fact that I still talk to him, proves I've forgiven him. Seriously, I don't owe him anything. And I certainly don't have any respect for women who's in a relationship with a married man. 

Crazy

Had another insane text war with my future ex. Why the hell do I do this? Simple, I still love the asshole. Urgh. I need to stop loving him coz it effing hurts and he's not even worth it. I hate getting disappointed but I keep hanging in for scraps? What happened to me? Does love made me this weak pathetic wife who still longs for her adulterer husband? Or is it my fear of the unknown? Whatever it is it has to stop for my sake and peace of mind. Do I really want this cheating bastard to come back? I can't even begin to trust him again much alone respect him. Wake up! I never thought I'd see myself in this situation of feeling lost because of a man. Ha! He is not worth it. When did I ever became like my mother who stayed with my father abuse after abuse, mental not physical both at its worst. Buckle up self, it's time to strap the moving on seat and launch yourself away from this asshole. Laugh and be happy. You don't need someone who prefers a woman touched by so many hands, have no conscience about breaking a marriage. You deserve better and much more. Keep reminding yourself there are better fish in the sea. You're worth it.